BFDI INTRO
Leafy: Needy… I know it is trying to offer us something great, but what IS that speaker thing? I suggest we dismantle it to find out! Hyup! Uh-oh. I missed.
Ice Cube: Leafy! What’s happened? You’ve become EVIL!
Leafy: Icy! Icy, I’m sorry I killed you.
Ice Cube: I want revenge!
Announcer: Cake at Stake.
Show: Da-da-da-da-da-da Cake at Stake!
Announcer: So, since the Cherries were dumber, they got a lower total test score. One of them goes home. And the number of votes is… Hold on 1/60th of a minute. That doesn’t seem right. Oink, there it is. It was the second time that digit was used, and the third time that digit was used. We weren’t sure if they would work. Oh, and, um, Cherries, uh, well, I forgot to buy a cake, so I had to make something. It’s a-
Show: BAM
Announcer: -sliced chunk of ice.
Match: MMMPH.
Announcer: So yeah, if you remain ice-chunk-less, you leave BFDI. And Ice Cube, what are you doing here? You’re on the other team.
Ice Cube: AAAAAH!
Announcer: Moving on… Pin, you have a Win Token. Would you like to use it now?
Pin: Uh, no. I mean, there’s nothing mean I-
Announcer: Yeah, yeah. We know. Anyway, at zero votes, it’s-
Pen: It’s got to be Block-
Announcer: No. It’s not. It’s all girls…
Pin & Bubble & Match & Pencil: Yeah!
Announcer: …except Match…
Match: Hey!
Pin: Yeah!
Match: Hey!
Announcer: …and Pin.
Match: Yeah!
Pin: Hey!
Announcer: Yeah.
Pencil: AAAAAHHHHH!
Announcer: Firey, Eraser, and Pen… also no votes.
Firey: Woo!
Eraser & Pen: AAAAAHHHHH!
Blocky: Yeah, elbow room!
Announcer: Match and Pin, you only got one vote a piece.
Match: A piece? A PIECE? You know, we aren’t just objects! Well, maybe Pin is.
Pin: Hey!
Match: We have feelings, too! But Pin’s don’t matter.
Pin: Hey!
Match: Yeah!
Pin: Hey!
Pencil: Match! Are you okay?
Match: Hey, how are you back? I thought you flew away. Off beyond the horizon!
Pencil: You’re seeing strange things because you’re HALLUCINATING! See? I’ll turn into DUMB Bubble! Buh!
Match: Don’t do that! It is K-R-E-P!
Show: Dun-dun!
Announcer: Blocky-
Woody: HEAAAUUUGHUEAAAOOOH!
Announcer: -is eliminated at six votes.
Woody: Ahh…
Announcer: Whoa, déjà vu!
Pen: Blocky gone? But that can’t be! Blocky’s a great guy! He’s my friend, too! And he’s only killed two people.
Announcer: Yeah, whatever.
Blocky: AAAAAAAAAH!
Announcer: And, with that, the Squashy Grapes, the original losers, are now ahead at nine to eight. And Golf Ball’s chance of winning went from…
Golf Ball: …5.555 repeating percent to 5.882 percent!
Pin: Phoo! Yuck! That was terrible!
Announcer: Well, let’s see if you can do any better. Because the next challenge is all about food, cooking it, and eating it.
BFDI INTRO CUT OFF
Announcer: Wait, we already played that, didn’t we? Okay, so the remaining seventeen of you will each bake a cake. I’ll be the one to judge. Let’s see. Flower, a previously-eliminated contestant, could be our second. And the magical die of judgment- -will be our third.
Eraser: Wait. Is that just a normal die?
Announcer: Um, maybe. So yeah. Your scores will be out of twenty-six. Here are some ingredients. There are no recipes for you to follow, and you may use any flavors you like. The contestant that makes the best cake receives a Win Token.
Pencil: Look! It’s Bubble. Remember? How she can’t count to three?
Match: Oh, yeah, she’s really dumb.
Bubble: Guys, I’m not dumb. I just died before I could get to three! See? I can do it! One, two…
Match: Yeah, she’s really dumb. Dumb for sure!
Golf Ball: Mix, mix, mix, mix, mix, mix!
Snowball: No recipes? How are you supposed to make a cake without recipes? It’s as bad as making a cake out of DIRT!
Coiny: Oh! Uh, well… a DIRT cake is still better than an ICE cake.
Tennis Ball: Look, GB! I finished! It’s a rice cake.
Eraser: Um… hey, Leafy! Why are you making such a big cake?
Leafy: So if anyone is having trouble making a cake themselves, I can lend some!
Eraser: Oh, so is it like you do it for me?
Leafy: Um, I guess?
Eraser: Good news, Pen! Leafy is going to make our cakes!
Leafy: Well, that’s not what I was planning for. So there’s a price to pay! Wha-oops! There’s the jar I was looking for! Pay up, boys! Minimum tip is five dollars!
Eraser: Oh. I don’t have any money. Pen, you got some?
Pen: Hmm… Here! I have eight dollars! That’ll be enough!
Leafy: Grr!
Snowball: Baking cakes without recipes is almost as bad as making a cake out of TWO METAL BALLS!
Leafy: I know, but eight dollars will only get you one cake, dum-dums!
Pen: Hey! I see something! Awh, we’re still one cent short!
Eraser: Coiny’s a penny, right?
Pen: Yeah!
Pin: Well, I’ll get ten points from Flower, right?
Bubble: One, two, three! Four, five, six, seven, eight!
Pencil: Hey, Match? Maybe Bubble ISN’T dumb!
Golf Ball: La, la! Cake’s done! *sniff* It smells… DIRTY! Oh, well. Probably just me.
Coiny: Now my cake is done!
Firey: Heh, heh! Need an oven, Coiny? Not me. I’M my oven!
Coiny: Huh? Hey, put me down!
Firey: Hah, hah!
Rocky: Bleh!
Announcer: Thirty minutes left.
Match: Uh-oh, we haven’t started! I have twenty bucks. Let’s buy some of Leafy’s cakes!
Leafy: Woody? Do you need help? I’ll lend you a cake for FREE!
Pen & Eraser: FOR FREE?!
Leafy: Well, um…
Match: Leafy, we need three cakes. Here’s fifteen dollars. And give these five to Woody.
Leafy: Well, I guess it ALL WORKS OUT!
Announcer: Boop. Judging time. Since Ice Cube is non-existent at the moment, she is excused. Let’s go in alphabetical order. So Bubble is up.
Match: Good luck, not-dumb friend!
Announcer: Hmm, normal strawberry cake. Taste test. Hmm, pretty good. Eight out of ten.
Flower: Right now, I’m really angry because I got voted off! GRR! Hey! That cake looks terrible! Zero out of ten! Well… one out of ten because I’m just SO nice.
Announcer: And the die. Coiny’s turn.
Coiny: It’s, uh… baked dirt!
Announcer: Um, well, dirt is unsafe, so I won’t eat it. I’m sorry, but dirt will get a two.
Coiny: Well, a DIRT cake is better than an ICE cake.
Tennis Ball: Which rhymes with rice cake!
Announcer: Flower?
Flower: Well, I see you put effort into it, like baking it and stuff. I’ll give it a seven for what wonderful things it could have been!
Bubble: OMBB! Dirt got a better score than mine?!
Match: It’s okay! You just bake at a sub-dirt level!
Announcer: Eraser. Strawberry again? Same as Bubble? I’ll give it a seven this time, because it’s the same.
Flower: Hmm. Ten?
Eraser: YEAH! Awh!
Announcer: Firey.
Firey: Mine’s chocolate!
Announcer: You baked without the oven? That’s an automatic ten for effort!
Flower: I wouldn’t say so! I pick THREE!
Announcer: And the die picks six. Golf Ball? Hey! I taste dirt!
Golf Ball: But I didn’t put in any dirt!
Announcer: Putting in dirt and lying? I say zero!
Flower: I will too!
Announcer: And so does the die.
Golf Ball: Wait! A die doesn’t even have-
Announcer: Shush! Ice Cube is gone, so Leafy is up next. Strawberry again? This is starting to get irritating. So you get a four.
Leafy: But I was the first to make the-
Flower: Quiet, weightless one! I have my answer. Wait, not yet.
Leafy: Yes!
Flower: I choose ZERO!
Leafy; Wha-?
Announcer: Die. WOW! The die says fifteen! Okay, we are done. Let’s compare. I guess since Pin has the highest score with her Flower Cake, she gets her second Win Token. Note, Pin, that you can only use one Win Token at a time. Okay, now let’s organize by team to see who won. So I guess the Cherries win this half of the contest. In the second half, each team will eat a hundred chocolate balls. The fastest team wins. And start eating.
Leafy & Rocky & Coiny & Eraser & Pin & Firey: OM NOM NOM!
Announcer: Well, the Grapes won this part, so now it’s a two-way tie. So we need a tie breaker. Whichever team manages to rip their team necktie first wins the contest. Get it? Tie breaker? The Squashy Grapes win, so one of the Cherries goes home. Come on, choose one. You know you want to.
Show: Breaking news! Scientists have recently classified Earth as a triple planet system! Consisting of Earth, the Moon and something called ‘Needle’s Cake’. That is supposedly a rapidly-growing cake that has separated from Earth. Scientists predict that Needle’s Cake will start nuclear fusion and become a star in three weeks.
Leafy: Yeah, I guess it’s pretty big, Needy.